She Stands

I don't know  the exact thing that has me so emotional today..... Wait....... that statement is not completely accurate. I know what is weighing heavy on my heart...... For me to speak it out loud sounds so selfish..... So self absorbed. But speak it I do.  ~sigh~ "Why Lord?" I ask..... Why this road???? I am tired Jesus, tired of having to be strong.... Tired of having to be two ....... Tired of picking up the pieces....... I am just so tired, and I don't want to do this anymore.  My question of cries continue...... None of this was my choice, so why am I the one having to ride this roller coaster of emotions?? "This is not what I wanted"... I scream on the inside. I worked so hard to NOT have this happen..... I did so many things opposite for circumstances and situations to be different.  Why Lord?? Why?? I am just so tired............... At this moment, the statement " And this too shall pass" seems ...

I believe I have a purpose......  My journey has just begun....... I believe my destiny is ordained.......... My footsteps have been ordered...... I believe he walks with me..... Never to leave nor forsake me.......... I believe every promises my daddy God has ever made to me.  I believe that his timing is far from mine....... His ways are higher than my own....... I believe his word never returns void.......  He is not a man that he should lie.........  I believe he meets me where I am ..... Every minute of every day. I believe he sees my struggles and loves me unconditionally.....  He knows my hearts desires....... I believe he brings beauty from my ashes..... Everything works for those who love him. I believe when my hearts breaks........ He collects my tears in a jar...... I believe his healing touch is all I need..... For he binds the wounds and heals the broken hearted.  I believe he cal...

Psalm 85:8 8  I will hear what God the Lord will speak, For He will speak peace To His people and to His saints; But let them not turn back to folly. I had not been able to understand why I had  been feeling like something was wrong...... The feeling that something was about to happen...... Not knowing what that something could be. I questioned where did I belong...... What was the whole picture as to why I was moved in the first place?  I understand it was partly a time of healing..... Part of it was a spiritual protection .... ( a daddy protecting his daughter from herself)  And then partly to slowly have me deal with the root of my inter pain that had swallowed me up for most of my life..... Rejection. One would think with all these "parts" I'd have the whole picture right?  Ehhh not so much.  There is more to it...... Much more.  I had not been able to find the right words for the feelings ...

"Walk away little girl"......I hear my daddy God's voice speaking clearly. " This is not what or who I have for you"......... "Do not walk off the path I have set before you"......... "You have come so far, heed my instruction"...... "Walk away".....says God. "Whew that was close Lord".... I tell him. There are times in life we can get to the point in our waiting period we believe the very thing that has been set before us is ours...... In reality it is not.  It is a diversion off the path set before us...... A snare to hinder our walk..... A trap to stop us from reaching our blessed destination...... A disaster wrapped in a pretty bow, aimed to take us out emotionally....... A task at hand to have us sell out our birth right (blessing) for a bowl of stew, (the here and now).  ~Remember Esau sold his to Jacob ...Genesis 25:29-34~ Making the same type of decisions and expecting a diff...

Trying to control someone else choice of words, actions or even thought process,for me, can be compared to a game of tug-a-war. You can dig your feet in, grab hold tight, pull with all your strength and still end up on the ground. For me, my "ground" time is ......... ~SIGH~.   Well , more times than I want to admit......But is a defined reality in my life! *Control is just an illusion when it comes to other peoples actions and words* The Lord spoke these to me several days ago and then had me sit on them. Waiting has never really been one of my best assets in life :) But waited I did, until now..... Jesus knows oh so well how my little "control" issues can and have gotten me into a pinch. Of course I didn't see them as "control" issues. However they were and are. And by His grace I am still a work in process. My illusions have come in many forms. If I loved a person enough I could "change" them. ( that can make for bad relations...

I am having the biggest Ah-Ha moment of my life ...... I mean really, it's huge, gianormous, thrilling and a freedom that I have never known!! I have always tried to be Ms. Fix-It to anyone and everyone I love..... Especially my two girls.  They are my babies; it's my job right?!? Well.............. Not so much. And with my OCD Ms. Fix-It syndrome, I have allowed myself to be over stressed, over whelmed and become a natural disaster emotionally.  It was my job to a certain point in their lives, to nurture, teach, shape, mold and love them. I was to give them roots and wings....... Apparently it's the wing part that I have had a hard time balancing. ~sheesh~ Forgive me Lord for I know I can be a basket case :) If one was to ask my girls, they'd probably say I need hormones, but in reality it has been a fear that I did not do my job well enough for them to succeed in the world with out me. I panic when I see them making...

Photo Credit I fall down...... In my words...... In my actions....... I fall down in my thoughts...... In my wants..... In my needs....... My intentions. In my relationships..... Past and present....... I fall down. Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.   To read more, pop over to  Shakin' the Foundation xoxoxo Stacey