I do not remember the last time I felt the urgency to write. It felt as though I had lost the words the Lord had swirling on the inside of me. No matter how many times I opened my blog to pen what was in my heart, my entire being would draw a huge blank. So there I sat waiting for the words to come; ready for them to spill from the orifice of my many tears. While I did not hear any words to script, my heart and soul heard..."Shhhhhh"
2019 has been a uncomfortable year of waiting for me. Asking, seeking, praying without ceasing, diving into His word time after time and...…… more waiting. I could not find any solace in the silence I was bearing. In the middle of what I saw as a paused life, growth has been taking place. A growth I could not understand ...…until now.
If I had to pick one point of growth to share, one that stands out the greatest, TRUST. I have stressed to my children, my friends and family more times than I can count to trust the Lord. And make no mistake, I do trust Him, but was my trust implicitly? I know He provides for me. I know He is there to guide me. I know His ways are better than mine. I know He never leaves me. So where was this trust of mine lacking? My struggle of trust came from the weariness of the unknown in my life. I wasn't seeing the changes I craved in the natural and my discouragement took a toll.
And then...…………. I lost my joy.
Not the kind that would have one screaming in delight as a child on Christmas morning but the joy granted by the Holy Spirit that no matter my surroundings, situations and or circumstances, the Lord is working all things out for my good. (Romans 8:28)
The joy of the Lord.
With each tic-toc of the clock I was becoming undone with what I considered a silent valley. There were periodic moments I would hear Him speak bits of encouragement. And then nothing, notta, not even a peep. In my exacerbated state of mine, I told Him I needed more. No more dialogue, I craved monologue. I needed to hear from Him profoundly an clearly. It was then He sheltered me from my surroundings, pulled me in, tucked me safely under the wing of His love and softly spoke to my heart. Over time as each month passed I began to remember the promises He had made to me over the years. Even those from my childhood. Each promise He had me to remember, one by one, opened a passage way for His joy to return.
As 2019 winds down, I have learned there are many growth lessons in the waiting pause of life. I have a new found ability to trust on a deeper level. And planted in that trust are many joyous expectations!
His Daughter ~
James 1:2-8 (TPT)