She Stands

Photo by Boba Jovanovic on Unsplash T his unfiltered silence of the unknown has taken on a bellowing cry of its own. The unanswered questions in my mind have become a kaleidoscope.   And with each turn, the different shades of gray have no answers.  My flesh, in its uncomfortable state of the untold, seeps tears of its own.  A ll the while my heart and soul is trusting the Lord on a whole new level  in this new normal we are living. I must admit, when this plague surfaced its ghastly head, I started this journey strong. The unknown had no hold on me.  Porch sitting became my place of solace.  No fear.  No tears.  My sword raised high, the battle began. I dove head first into the word of my Jesus. I soaked in sermon after sermon. I sang my songs of worship from the noiseless perch of my porch: off key.  And I listened for the voice, the only voice, who could give me solid peace.   Jesus. Day after day,...

I do not remember the last time I felt the urgency to write. It felt as though I had lost the words the Lord had swirling on the inside of me. No matter how many times I opened my blog to pen what was in my heart, my entire being would draw a huge blank. So there I sat waiting for the words to come; ready for them to spill from the orifice of my many tears. While I did not hear any words to script, my heart and soul heard... "Shhhhhh"    2019 has been a uncomfortable year of waiting for me. Asking, seeking, praying without ceasing, diving into His word time after time and...…… more waiting. I could not find any solace in the silence I was bearing.  In the middle of what I saw as a paused life, growth has been taking place. A growth I could not understand ...…until now. If I had to pick one point of growth to share, one that stands out the greatest, TRUST.  I have stressed to my children, my friends and family more times than I can count to trust the Lord. And...

"It is well with my soul...."  Softly I sing those words in a hush whisper to my heart.  Today is one of those days when I long to tangibly climb on the lap of my Jesus and let Him soothe my anxious  heart.   To say it is well with my soul but yet my flesh is ate up with emotion bears the question " How can one be at peace and yet the other sits in a pool of anxious emotion? "  I ask myself this question over and over again.  My flesh has screamed and cried out to no avail.  And my heart is weary. It seems the season I am in at this very moment is a season of breaking and much change. Beauty for ashes.....again. I am tired of the ashes of life. I am undone, unraveled and exhausted because of these ashes. My flesh struggles to remain anchored in hope and my soul reassures me with every tear drop there is  beauty within. The relentless effort to see this beauty has my joy meter in the red....