"It is well with my soul...." Softly I sing those words in a hush whisper to my heart. Today is one of those days when I long to tangibly climb on the lap of my Jesus and let Him soothe my anxious heart. To say it is well with my soul but yet my flesh is ate up with emotion bears the question " How can one be at peace and yet the other sits in a pool of anxious emotion? " I ask myself this question over and over again. My flesh has screamed and cried out to no avail. And my heart is weary. It seems the season I am in at this very moment is a season of breaking and much change. Beauty for ashes.....again.
I am tired of the ashes of life. I am undone, unraveled and exhausted because of these ashes. My flesh struggles to remain anchored in hope and my soul reassures me with every tear drop there is beauty within. The relentless effort to see this beauty has my joy meter in the red. And that's OK.
I have had many ask me, "How can you have faith and yet still have struggles?" I do believe and it's because I believe I know when the trials of this world hit me hard He is there. No one likes to struggle, however it's in the struggle I see my Jesus just as faithful as ever. He knows my heart, He hears the tears of my heart and He knows my every emotion. And though these ashes I find myself in are utterly exhausting, He is forever faithful.
And Benjamin he said, The beloved of the Lord shall dwell safety by him; and the Lord shall cover him all the day long, and he shall dwell between his shoulders.
Between His shoulders...... Nestled in the arms of my Jesus, He holds me between His shoulders with more love I could ever fathom, I find myself asking will the ashes ever stop? Will there be a time when all I see in this life is beauty? I can hear a small voice deep within my being asking....no, it's begging, " no more ashes!" "Why Lord?" "Why when I see one ray of light more blinding ashes fall?" " MAKE IT STOP!!" That voice is now a bellowing scream. And He holds me tighter.
" Look through the ashes, behold I make all things new." I hear His voice covering the echo of my own. And more of my tears fall. In the arms of my Jesus is where my self doubt, broken emotions, and my unknown is made whole. The beauty of His love and His grace take the place of the ashes that have covered me in their soot. In His arms I receive His goodness and His mercy; it is there the soot of the ashes are wiped away. There are many rays of light in the ashes however I must look beyond the darkness of them to see the light and to do that my focus must remain on the one who loves me without fail....... my Jesus.
Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
It is well with my soul.......
In the arms of my Jesus.
Forever His Daughter,