She Stands

All who know me know I am a full throttle kinda girl.  The energizer bunny at warp speed some would say.  Being a single mom for most of my life double duty was the norm.  A full time working mom whose daughters both were involved in every sport, every school function and outside activities with the youth group, my world was go go go.  Never a dull or slow moment.  I would like to say I had allowed the hustle and bustle of life to consume me, however that would not be completely accurate.  According to my mom, I have been this way since the day I took my first breath.  However,as I have gotten older, living life at warp speed is not always best. Never allowing myself to slow down and smell the roses per say not only has me miss out on the simple things in life, I miss hearing what my daddy God wants to speak to me.  Over the years I leaned to slow down a bit, stop, and listen for the voice of my daddy ...

We were notified last week that the power  at work would shut off for a couple of hours today for some new power poles and lines to be erected in the area.   When I left work last night I cut the air down  lower than normal  in the hopes once power was shut off, the office would not become a sweltering hot box.   During lunch time today I sat in the the office thankful for the bit of  sun rays shining into the lobby allowing me to see to eat my lunch. Even though it had become a little warm inside, it was bearable and not suffocating.  With our phone system down , the guys in the back  piddling for things to do to keep them occupied, I was happy for the peace and quiet that surrounded me.  No noise..... Just me and my thoughts. Normally I would be counting the seconds until power came back on.  Living in the deep south summer time is brutal. It's not just the heat that can be unbearable but the high humid...

My path in life appears to be on a change of course.  A directional shift.... An uprooting of the familiar and a journey of the unknown..... Removal from where I am to positioning me where I need to be..... Emotionally and physically. I did not anticipate or see the impending changes and to be honest I did not ask for them.  I have been pretty content in my little happy place, why change it? The irony of it all is our daddy God never leaves us where we are in life, including our content little happy places.  It is there we become complacent and stagnant. When our growing stops and our lives become dry. And then there are those times when all hell breaks loose and our path becomes covered in darkness.... When everything that was so right becomes a storm right in front of your eyes. A storm sent  to blind our vision.... To batter our hearts..... To break our spirit...... And shake us to our core. I don't know about you,...

It seems I am constantly reevaluating myself lately. My choices..... My dreams..... My words and actions.  Do I love enough? Do I support and encourage as I should? Do my words speak life to others???  Am I being the best parent, sister, daughter and friend I can possibly be? This is sadly a territory I have been in before.... It is rejection that pops his ugly head up from time to time voicing my failures and chanting my imperfections. I have found it to be true, it is when my struggles in life become over whelming the voices of my mistakes, past and present, come bearing full force..... They taunt me.... Mock me.... And attempt to knock and keep me down.  But notice I said " attempt"..... Over the years wisdom, Godly wisdom,  has replaced the voices of guilt, shame and rejection. I have my melt down moments. When my tears are greater than my smiles..... And my questions are more than answers. But that's ok..... I...

 It's been several weeks since I've blogged here. I have had days lately when my life appears to be a three ring circus..... Some days so  full of complete chaos I have felt as though I was being torn in a million  different directions, physically and emotionally.  Others so great I just wanted to simply bask in the joy of them...... Never to move again.  Life will do that. I am finding that here recently I have many questions jogging through my mind. Actually they are more like sprinting.  As one question pops up another is surfacing. " Am I where I need to be?" Am I loving those around me like you want me to?" " Do I continue to stand in the gap for this person or is my season completed here?" " Have I shown grace where grace is needed?" "Have I extended mercy and forgiveness instead of  anger and wrath?" "Can others still see your light shinning through me when the clouds of darkness devel...

A few months ago I decided to replace the flowers that were in this planter. The ones I had were dead and I saw no hope of them ever coming back.  I pulled all the dead out and I though I had all the existing roots pulled out as well.  Two weeks ago I noticed the regrowth of what I thought I had successful removed.  As the new sprouts of green begin to shoot out of the dirt, the new buds were forming.  Three nights ago much to my delight a bloom had blossomed and it's bright color of yellow shined even in the darkest, cold night.    As I looked at the beauty in the new growth in my planter, I began to think of the person I use to be. Through out my teen years and well into my late twenties, I was a angry, rebellious and unforgiving woman. My scarred heart and jaded emotions lead me to react with hostility and my words spoken were harsh and untruth at times. I wanted so badly to hurt those who had hurt me and rende...

I had my grandson over the weekend and as much as I love him and enjoy spending time with him, I pretty much looked like this by Sunday morning.  Ok  I looked a tad bit worse. ( Just keeping it real) My little grand precious is almost 8 months old and he's cutting teeth.  Needless to say he (we) did not sleep very well the two nights he stayed with his Honey. However in spite of our lack of sleep, he had his moments when he would look at me, flash that beautiful smile and laugh with delight regardless of how awful my appearance had become.  Messy hair..... No make up........ Circles under my eyes the size of the Grand Canyon...... Sweats covered in baby food that did not quite make it to his mouth....  Did I mention the spit up? And......... He loves me just as I am ! At such a tender young age my grand precious sees my heart and knows the love I have for him. It's not my outward appearance.  ( Thank goodness, as I ha...