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So Many Questions

 It's been several weeks since I've blogged here.
I have had days lately when my life appears to be a three ring circus.....
Some days so  full of complete chaos I have felt as though I was being torn in a million  different directions, physically and emotionally. 
Others so great I just wanted to simply bask in the joy of them......
Never to move again. 
Life will do that.

I am finding that here recently I have many questions jogging through my mind.
Actually they are more like sprinting. 
As one question pops up another is surfacing.

" Am I where I need to be?"
Am I loving those around me like you want me to?"
" Do I continue to stand in the gap for this person or is my season completed here?"
" Have I shown grace where grace is needed?"
"Have I extended mercy and forgiveness instead of  anger and wrath?"
"Can others still see your light shinning through me when the clouds of darkness develop?"
"Am I still the one who you created me to be?"
" How much longer will this storm rage?"
"Will I ever see healing and peace for those I hold dear to my heart?"

As I asked these questions and more, I found myself giggling a bit thorough my tears of questions.
I have several male friends who believe women  analyze, dissect, over think and question life entirely too much.(I remind myself that men and women are wired differently.)
In reality there are times I probably do. 
However in my defense, I know that the heart my daddy God has given me is a heart of unconditional love and compassion. 
A heart I am not to allow to become jaded and hard by life's difficulties. 

Years ago I can remember asking God to make me an instrument of His love. 
Someone that can see past the scars and brokenness of others. 
Someone whose strength can endure when those around me can no longer stand. 
Someone whose past can be a beacon of hope for the hurting and suffering.

There are times when it seems such an impossible task.
When I , myself, am ready to break and all I wish for is to throw the covers over my head to escape from everything.
To shut my eyes tight and plug my ears.
 As appealing as that may sound at times, it is not something I can allow myself to do. 
Taking a break to refresh in life is good for the soul.
To lay down and quit is a death sentence to my every being.
I am so thankful for His promises.......

Matthew 11:28-30
"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

I believe my questions are founded.
They serve a purpose for my journey in this life. 
They are my path to wisdom and growth.
They give me hope that change is on the horizon.
They show me my hearts desire is still longing to be an instrument of his love and all my daddy God has called me to be.

 As for my sometimes over analyzing, over thinking, dissecting and at times questionable self, I am a work in progress.
And through it all my daddy God continues to remind me of his promises.

So many questions.....

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.


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