She Stands

There were so many times in my life I would tell the Lord, " I will surrender my life completely to you after I fix this one issue"........ That one issue became many issues...... And my surrendering became a rat race. I was convinced I had too many "issues" to come to God. I believed I needed to fix them all before approaching my daddy God. The world had me believing I was too unworthy for God and for me to surrender to Him I had to get rid of my baggage. The lies of the enemy can and will paralyze and over take ones emotions if allowed. I became paralyzed with fear and guilt from all my mistakes in life. I had fallen off the path God had for me and ran my rat race with shame. It was a long never ending circle of shame, all because I had believed I could not come as I  was to the Lord. The voice of the enemy told me...... You are not worthy to approach the throne of God..... You are too far gone...... Why would he want you???...

In my struggles...... In my times of stress.... In my time of brokenness........ In my anger.... My pain..... My doubt....... What's a girl to do Lord? In the past when things were topsy turvey in my life, I had the habit of shutting down. My answers to any questions were " I'm fine" and " Nothing" .... I would hide out in my own little world I had created within myself ..... I would retreat to my own private sanctuary and shut everyone and everything out. Including my daddy God....... I didn't see myself shutting God out, but my lack of communication with Him showed otherwise..... My thinking process...... "He knows what is wrong and how to fix it, so I will just hide out under the covers until it is done."  My hiding under the covers meant that I walked through my daily life with a smile plastered on my face and spoke hollow words. My insides were broken and in pain..... And I continued to stuff ...

I love how God uses people and I love it and am humbled by when the Lord sometimes uses me in some small way.  I love when someone is desperate for a touch, a word, from God and... they get it.  I love when one is in church and you see how people have been touched by God. I WANT THAT TOO.. I WANT THAT... for me too.  My husband and I have been going through a very hard thing and its culminating in a court case on the 7th of February, but I have been fearful and alternating between begging the Lord to intervene before then, or begging Him to make it go away!  We have been trying to do all the right things, like reading God's word, trusting Him, speaking His word over the situation... But it is TOUGH to have faith in the face of the enemy's attempts at destruction when you have been standing for so long. And then.... WOW! The morning after a 5 1/2 hour meeting with our lawyers to prepare for the court case, the morning after being emotionally drained ...

Many of you know my daughter returned from her deployment in Afghanistan this past year and this momma was finally able to breathe..... I mean really breathe. I am talking about deep breaths that exhaled with joy and gladness. As a military mom, I am extremely proud of her service to our country.... For her bravery..... Her honor.... Her self scarifies. But on the flip side, as her mom...... I worry to a point..... I am concerned for her welfare at all times..... I pray non-stop for her safety..... I smile on cue, for her benefit.... I make sure I give her encouraging words..... Never showing her my "mom" emotions. And I tell her " I love you" every second that I can. My best day came when I received that all mighty pre recorded phone call that MY solider was heading to US soil..... There was tears, laughter, thankfulness, and praise to my daddy God for bringing her home. Now  almost one year later, I receive a message f...

A little boy asked his mother, “Why are you crying?” “Because I’m a woman,” she told him. “I don’t understand,” he said. His Mom just hugged him and s aid, “And you never will.” Later the little boy asked his father, “Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?” “All women cry for no reason,” was all his dad could say. The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, “God, why do women cry so easily?” God said, “When I made the woman she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort. I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children. I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining. I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all...

I was driving in dense fog the other day   when I passed an Amish pony cart filled with teen girls. They were holding a small light that blinked on and off, in an attempt to let oncoming cars know they were there. It looked so feeble, this small light that flickered at even paces, barely showing through the fog. Cars well equipped with broad headlights   seemed to fly by them with no trouble   and there they slowly clip-clopped down the road in the white cloud with a lone, small light. " I'm here! Can you see me? Please see me…don’t just pass me by. I’m fragile"  the light seemed to say in the thick cloud, transporting the girls in the flimsy, open cart. The scene made me think of   people going through tough times , traveling on their journey in what can seem like fog-like conditions.  Overtaken by circumstances of life - depression, betrayal, grief….. a thick fog that surrounds and overwhelms when life be...

I don't know about you, but daily planners have never worked for me....... To be honest I would write down my daily tasks and then I would forget my planner at home. Every evening I would jot down my next day activities, place my planner next to my purse and tell my self before falling asleep, "don't forget to grab your planner"...... . And as I would  run out the door the next morning, there on the counter my planner would sit..... Every day without fail. ~Geez~ I planned to bring my planner with me, just as I planned so  many things for my life..... As my planner sat on my counter, so have many of the plans I had for myself. Five years ago I was planning for my "empty nest".... My last child was entering high school and I was planning what I thought would be my life after she was out on her on. Here it is five years later and my life does not resemble any of the plans I had once made....... I went through a divorce......