Every year the Lord will give me one word for the upcoming year. Last year He spoke the word receive to me. I'd be lying if I didn't say how excited I was to hear that word. Receive, receive, receive......I couldn't imagine all the great and new wonderful things He had for me to receive in 2018. I did my happy dance all the way through Christmas, extending my dance moves into the new year and added a few toe-tapping moves by the time spring rolled around. At that point, there was nothing or no one that could sway me from my self-indulged happy dance.
And then life cut in and interrupted my blissful dance with "receive". Division shoved me off the dance floor while strife was stepping on my toes. Hurt was waiting for me to twirl me right into the arms of brokenness. This was not even close to what I believed I was to receive. Not understanding I brought my unhappiness to the feet of my Jesus. My life has been an uphill climb for so long, why for the love of all creation would another season of tumultuous storms swoop in? The Lord does not cause turmoil. Nor does He cause chaos and pain. However, He will use those things in which were sent to knock me off my feet for His good.
Even though I know He will always bring good to me, I became weary in the waiting and irritated with this process; a process I deemed never ending. Becoming self-absorbed in my own emotions I was missing the truth of what I was to receive. For me to be all He has created me to be, I must continually learn to be more of Him and less of me. I had to learn to become gracious in all seasons of my life, including those parts which were most hurtful. Believe it or not but there are many blessings to receive when life cuts in on your happy dance. And I was learning to recognize His blessings instead of wallowing in misery.
So what did I receive in 2018?
A greater focus on Him, my Jesus, than those things around me........
A deeper love, more like Him less of me, when rejection slaps me hard........
A strength to be still and wait for His direction instead of running ahead of Him.......
A deeper level of wisdom when the actions and choices of others hurt me........
A stronger prayer life; one that will continue and faithfully stand through the pain life throws at me, even if it's through my tears.
And a grace that binds me to the Father, never to separate us even when life cuts in.
Grace......... that is my word for 2019.
And I am dancing with her now!
Forever His Daughter,