The only sound I heard were the engines of the plane humming beneath me as I starred into another world through the tiny window my face was resting against. I did not want to come down from this place of solitude, this beautiful surreal atmosphere of peace where the sun light penetrated through what appeared to be a city of serenity and a moment in time where I could breathe.
In the quietness is where I find my daddy God waiting for me; a place I long to return to from all of the noise , from my endless thoughts that run rampant through my mind. It is here I ask, " Lord who am I? " As a single mother whose children are grown and gone I find the place I have maintained in this world no longer the same and unable to grasp. I do not know how to let go of what was to become what is to be. Once again I hear my heart whisper to Him, " Who am I Lord? "
The sun light is now dancing before me over the clouds in tiny dancer moves, gracefully bouncing from one point to another with a synchronized rhythm of purpose. My gaze is not broken as I wait to hear His voice.
I know I have made my fair share of mistakes in my life. My prayer is my girls will not see me as a failure but a mom who loves them beyond what words can describe and that I did my best, even when my best was not good enough. My failures are trying to creep in and mock me now. I push them to the side and I continue to wait for Him. The sunlight is brillant now with it's shimmering golden rays streaming in abundance.
When seasons change it can be hard to see ones self as the woman God created her to be. It's easier to focus on the down falls, the what ifs and the should haves. As my plane continued to soar to it's destination and my longing for answers began to gravitate to a desperate plea, peace comes and holds me tight.
And then ever so softly I hear over the engines of the plane, the woman next to me gently breathing in a cat nap and the beating of my heart......
" Though you did not see your life as it is , I did. I knew what roads you would travel and down falls you would take, However it is I that have spared you in the most trying times of your life and it is I that loves you still. Where you see failure, I see lessons learned. Where you see unworthiness, I see growth and potential. I see you daughter. I hear the tears of your heart. I feel your uncertainties and hold your hope close. Your are mine beloved and my word tells you exactly who you are. "
You are a new creation and the old has passed away. ( 2 Corinthians 5:17)
You are chosen and appointed to go and bear fruit. ( John 15:16)
You are the apple of my eye. ( Dueteronomy 32:10)
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. ( Psalm 139:14)
By grace you have been saved by faith. ( Eph 2:8-9)
You have been raised up and seated with him in heavenly places in Christ. ( Eph 2:6)
You have been set free. ( Romans 6:18)
My plane is getting ready for its descent, however I take one last look and snap a quick picture of the magnificent place high above the clouds, the place where my daddy God met me and answered the heart of his daughter.