Skip to main content

Daddy Doesn't Love Me~

                                          
As a little girl, I wanted to be loved by my daddy. I longed for his approval and his praise. I just wanted to be the "apple of his eye".  My dad did love me the best way he knew how, however he harbored alot of resentments towards me before I was even born.

 Why resentments??.......

I was a unplanned pregnancy back in 1969 for two high school sweethearts,that by all accounts had planned on getting married after graduation, however I was not apart of their plans at that time.  My mom, who was an honor roll student, graduated from high school 5 months pregnant with me.

I was the first of three children for my parents.

From an early age, I could feel his anger towards me, the irritation that I had somehow messed up his life plans. I wasn't suppose to be here in is eyes, not at that particular time in his life.

However, God knew it was my timing to grace the world with my birth~

There are no "unplanned" pregnancies with God. Every child born as a perfect timing in the eyes of God. We may not understand the timing, we in the flesh may judge the circumstances, situation, and the "how" the child came into the world, but Jesus does not.

Jeremiah 1:5...."Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you".......

God knew the timing of my birth had a purpose, even if my parents did not see it.
To understand, lets go back in time a bit, from where they stood.

It's 1969, unwed , still in high school and now they are going to be parents. Just the shear fear of it all had to be over whelming for them both. ( My dad was probably scared out of his shoes to have to tell my grandfather)

My parents had a turbulent marriage of ten years; there was no real peace in our house. There were some good times, but deep down my birth was still the cause of the direction my Dad's life took as a teenager and he truly was not happy.

I was a very strong willed child, independent, defiant and stubborn. I wanted his attention so badly that negative attention was better than no attention at all. It took me a long time to understand the love of my "daddy" God as I had not received the total nurturing of my earthly father in my younger years.

After my parents divorced, we rarely saw Dad.

I began to look for the love I was missing from my father. I was angry at the world; my thought process became, " If my own daddy doesn't love me then why would God love me? "

Rejection....Hard on the heart...harder for a little girl.

The enemy wants to keep us all in a place where we can not experience the true love of our "Daddy" God.


Jeremiah 29:11
" For I know the plans I have for you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future"

That's the love of a "DAD". God doesn't want us, his children, roaming around looking for love in all the wrong places. He has a plan for us all. His love is greater than any love of an earthly parent. He knew what I would go through as a child.

Rejection, pain, doubt, fear, heartache......Ouch!

Why?... That was the question I asked on a daily bases growing up.

My "daddy" God used what the enemy meant for evil and turned it to good for his glory. He showed me that there is nothing He can't fix; no heartache he can't heal, no storm he can not "still"

Through all my whys and my bad choices, the Lord used them to bring me to a place to see the true love of a father....The love of CHRIST himself.  NO matter how bad things got in my life He (Jesus) never left my side.

Deuteronomy 31:8
 "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. "

I once heard a statement that grabbed my heart and soul.  " When you are going through hard times, God is building your character"

God will use hard times, unfair times, hurtful times and disappointing times to build our character and our trust in him , Him alone!

To see God's love manifest fully in our lives, we must first come to see that He loves us. No matter our past choices, mistakes or sins....He loves us!! When Jesus walked on earth, he walked amongst the "sinners'.
He came to save the world, not condemn the world.


John 6:37
" All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away"





Jesus will NEVER turn you away, no  matter what we have done.

It took me a long time and alot of bad choices growing up to realize the love my earthly father showed to me was not the love of my "daddy" God.

I was not an unplanned pregnancy to God. He marveled in creating me in my mother's womb, he had a daddy's joy when I took my first step, he cried for me when I took wrong turns in life, he held every tear I cried for every disappointment, he placed me on his knee and listened to how my day went. He was there and still is for every mile stone in my life here in this earth.

My Dad and I have an adult relationship now. God has healed us both of many things in both our lives. My dad did the best he could at the time and we both have forgiven one another for past hurts.
And yes my Daddy does love me~

What the devil meant for evil......GOD turned to good!!


Xoxoxo
Stacey


Comments

  1. Hi Stacey, firstly, yay for 1969, my year too, lol! And secondly, great post. So sad how the devil gets a grip on one's heart through rejection and a desire to be loved the way we should be. I am so glad that you have found your heart in your "true" father and that in turn has helped you in a relationship with your natural dad.
    God bless my friend
    Tracy

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Your Sweet Comments Are Loved~

Popular posts from this blog

When My Puzzle Pieces Do Not Fit

Putting a puzzle together can be fun, enjoyable and somewhat a relaxing time when the pieces all fit correctly the first time.  However when it is a puzzle with thousands of little pieces that require a great deal of time trying to figure out what piece goes where it can become frustrating, at least for me. Many times I have had to rely on the box top picture to navigate me through the placing of each piece and even that process can be irritating. Eventually the pieces do all fit exactly the way they were created to fit and the perfect picture is formed.It is a victory of sorts for me as patience is not my best quality.

 But what about when our life's pieces are not fitting together?

I had this certain picture I created in my mind, a picture how my own pieces were to fit together, my perfect box top per say. However the pieces I chose I could not force them to fit. No matter how I placed them, pushed them together, they still would not connect. My box top picture was not the pr…

She Shut The Door And Poured

2 Kings 4:5 So she went from him and shut the door behind her and her sons, who brought the vessels to her; and she poured it out.   2 Kings chapter 4 tells the story of a widow woman on the verge of losing her sons to pay off the debits owed. With creditors on their way to take her only means of future support, she cries out to the prophet Elisha. Following his instructions, vessels are gathered and the little bit of oil she has begins to flow in abundance..... after she shuts the door. With many vessels now full, she is able to sell the oil, pay the debits owed and her sons remain with her. She shut the door and poured it out....... Those words erupt in my heart. A Godly woman she was. she poured her heart out and her needs were met. But she shut the door! Too many times in life I have a need , a wanting, a desire but yet can not hear what the Lord would say all because I have left the door open; a open door allowing the voices of the world to pour into my heart and not the promises …

Sifting Before the Shifting

I have been hearing the Lord say " shift" for the last year.  Shift in the atmosphere, shift in our nation, shift in the church, and a shift in me.  When I think about the word shift, I see a grand swope of the hand of God moving all into a direction of peace and wholeness.I believe without a doubt He is doing so, however I never once entertained the though He'd have to do some sifting.... sifting in me.

Sifting is a process, a two part process, when sifting wheat. First comes the threshing, the beating of the grain using a flail. Second part is the winnowing, throwing the mixture in the air allowing the wind to blow away the lighter chaffs and the heavier grains to fall back down for recovery.  I take a closer look at this process and begin to meditate on how it applies to my life.

The threshing  is the process of removal; removing those things which will cause me to stumble.When God begins to remove, He does so with the intent of replacing; replacing with those thin…